Time to Face the Change

I am now officially unemployed. Yesterday was my last day at the cafe and now onto bigger and better things, hopefully. It is bittersweet, to say the least.

Now, only a little more than a week until I move to North Carolina. Crazy. My life is about to shift gears dramatically and I am so excited to see what happens.

My yoga practice has slowed down, a little bit. I was going 5-7 days a week, but now it's more like 4-5. I feel that although some say you don't need "healing" time with yoga, that I do. But I will get way more into once I move. I do miss when I used to go everyday. But I feel like by giving myself a break, I can make more progress. Debatable I guess. Once again, that will change real soon.

But GOOD NEWS... I decided to stay an extra week and a half so I could go to Esak's seminar next Sunday. I'm glad I did that. Now I have a week of unemployment to enjoy, and pack, and hang out with my friends.

Everything is about to change. I'm a little afraid, but this is going to be amazing. I love my life <3

torture!

So I had my wisdom teeth out on Wednesday and haven't been to yoga since. I AM GOING CRAZY. I want to go so bad, but I don't want to hinder the healing of my mouth. GAHHH. I can't wait much longer..

No yoga for you!

I like to take one day off a week. I already took Monday off. And today I "overslept." I only have one chance to make it to yoga on Fridays, the 7am class. After that, I have work and can't make it to any others.

Why do I feel so angry at myself for missing yoga?? I want to go, but I'm thinking after yesterday's class I am still recovering...mentally. And these are the moments I think I am too hard on myself. I am disappointed for missing 2 days this week :( I would love to do a double on Sunday to make up for it, but I have final exams to study for. Errr. Lame.

Panic Attacks in the yoga room = not fun

Boy do I hate self-fulfilling prophecies... I had a bad class today. Decently strong standing series, except for slipping and sliding feet in triangle and standing seperate leg stretching. I have had Panic attacks in class before. They are not fun. Looking back on it, it wasn't that bad today (which is why I will go back tomorrow==short term memory) but it was so hot I started to panic. I do not know what to do when I start to think that way. I tried to concentrate on my breath but I couldn't focIus for long. I pretty much ruined my floor series :/

And there I go again being hard on myself. Boy, I sure do learn a lot about myself in the yoga room aka torture chamber. I need an "escape plan" for when I start to panic like that again...by the way I'm panicking because it gets too hot. Despite drinking copius amounts of water before class ( about 50 oz.) and an emergenC packet, and eating properly. And by escape plan, I mean escaping my own thoughts to something more productive. I guess...practice might be the only way...

Forget about it!

Today = best class I've ever had.

It was just one of those days where I rocked nearly every posture. So strong, confident, and ... rare! Near the end of class, I started to panic because it was so hot, and I was handling it so well. Such a weird thing, I was panicking about panicking...about how how hot it could be tomorrow or the next day. It was hot as hell in there but I was focused. I guess that is some insight to my flaws. Stressing about things that haven't even happened yet, even if I know they may occur. What's the point of worrying about it today??

Just worry about today. Live in the moment, and be happy with what was given to you today. Today, I had an out of this world class...absolutely stellar. So what if tomorrow isn't as good, or if I can't handle the heat like I did today. What matters is the right here, right now.

Almost straightened my legs in hands to feet of half moon. Locked both legs in standing head to knee, and took my first steps towards full camel today :D

Now I should do some studying... Argh!! School is almost over. aye aye aye

Yeehaw.

SO

When it comes to self-confidence, I find I am not steady in this area. I am extremely inconsistant and it changes daily, maybe even many times throughout the day. I know that its "hormones" but its me. I need to be steady, calm, consistant and patient with myself. Love myself. I love myself for going to yoga 6+ days a week. This is my third month of Bikram yoga and I have come a long way. For a girl, who couldn't touch her toes 3 months ago, I think I am doing awesome!!

And for my avid readers, I finally started kicking out in standing head to knee pose this past week. And I am having so much fun with it! It's a whole new world of challenges and mind battles, but yeehaw! I'm all about it. Also, in toe stand I now know what it means to bring the hip off the ankle. One day I was just like "ooohhhhh now I get it!" And oddly enough, I can even lift my gaze to the mirror now; thinking those 2 go hand in hand ;)

Classes this week were..good. I'm starting to think its just the morning classes I don't like. I'm sooo tight in the morning...

WELL another Monday tomorrow. Only 1 week, 2 days til the end of the semester. Only 1 week 3 days til I get to visit my lovely Edgar. Only 1 month 2 weeks until I move to NC. Life is about to move very quickly.

Just going with the Flow.

$10000 for teacher training...lately that's all I can think of. I want to teach, I want to do yoga everyday, I want to help others feel what I feel from practice. But ten grand... I was speaking with Suzanne (my favorite Bikram instructor) and she was telling me how it worked out for her. Her circumstances were even more binding because she has a son. But, it just worked out for her..

And just like I've been learning everyday in the yoga room (I still go a steady 6 days a week), you just have to let things happen. I'm going to try my hardest, but just let it happen. I'm going to keep practicing and striving for progress, whether it be mental, emotional, or physical. Maybe, I can even apply for one of the 2 scholarships they give away. If life wants me to be a yoga teacher, I will be one. I'm not going to stop what I'm doing but when it comes to thinking that being able to afford that training is near impossible, I'm going to leave that part up to fate.

June is fast approaching and that means I am moving from Michigan to North Carolina here very soon. I am nervous about how it will work out. Mostly regarding money. I will be leaving my job of 5 years and back out into the field to find another, hopefully much better paying job. But we will see.

So, I believe in a previous entry I mentioned how much I hate hands to feet pose in half moon. It has been my nemesis. However, I think I'm close to locking my knees. I can feel it. Day in, day out determination... What a glorious day that will be. This picture I'm attaching is of me today. Hopefully in the next month or two, I will have locked knees!!!

I am Here...and still giving it my all!!!

So it's been a while since I've posted. But... I finished my 30-day challenge and I got the t-shirt, the free month of unlimited Bikram yoga, and peace of mind. I was going for the 60 day challenge but I think I got burnt out. I needed to let my body rest. And when I went to NC, they had a wonderful studio there that I practiced at and I took a few days off as well.

When I got back home, I was eager to start practice back up and afraid of all my hard work being erased. Quite the contrary. I think that by giving myself that week's rest (peppered with 3 classes), it allowed me to progess furthur in my practice. And although I commend everyone in their 30, 60, 90-day, etc. challenges, I need to listen to my body.

But things are good again. I'm learning new stuff in class everyday and tweaking poses all the time. I found an awesome studio in Raleigh, NC that I will practice at. It's not 100% Bikram, but they follow the same teachings. In fact, I kind of like to more because the teacher's are given more freedom with their dialogue. They can say more about the postures. I learned a lot there and I am planning/hoping to do my teacher training there in July :) And my amazing boyfriend said he would help me out with the costs. It is expensive, but not nearly as expensive as the Bikram training. Maybe someday though..

fav postures today: dandayamana-dhanurasana, padangustasana, ustrasana
least fav: trikanasana,

I've been reading a lot in the forums of www.hotyogadoctor.com and I love it! I really want to buy her masterclass manual and DVDs which seem totally awesome from what I've read and heard. It is $200 though, probably worth it, but as a person about to make a major move and change in my life...I cannot afford it.

mmmmmYOGAmmmmmm

Last Class of my 30 day Challenge (aka my first 30 days of Bikram yoga EVER)

I am about to go to my 30th class in about an hour. I hope it's a good class. I feel like celebrating!! I'll let you know how it goes!

Class #27 with...Bikram

Okay...so my 30-day challenge is almost up. I've been going strong here for quite some time, and I now find Bikram yoga an irreplaceable part of my routine. I need it in my life.

Today was an interesting class. We had a bit of a snowfall this morning (I live in Michigan..) and only 5 people including myself showed up to yoga. The instructor, Ernie, I guess wanted to do yoga today so he put on the audio CD of Bikram. It was kind of weird at first. I'm used to a live instructor but I really enjoyed his dialogue during the floor series. Bikram is a funny guy, that's for sure. I would love to attend one of his classes in person... I'm sure I will at some point.

So, during triangle pose, which as of late has been my nemesis, Ernie whispered to me something about turning my straightened leg in more. I don't know if I was doing it complelely right, but after that adjustment I looked amazing in triangle!! (only on the one side though ;P ) I felt super strong. Hopefully, this is just the progress I needed in this pose.

I was supposed to do a double on Sunday, but I just couldn't. I had the worst class EVER and it was the first time I had to sit out a couple rounds. I was disappointed in myself, but I was not feeling well. 2 EmergenC packets and a good night's sleep later, I felt better, but in no condition for a double :( I will have to make it up Tuesday or Wednesday. ERR. I didn't want to wait until the last minute, but alas... Anyway, I'm probably going to make this a 60-day challenge anyway. And I'm going to bank a few doubles just in case. My only fear is I won't be able to practice every day next week while I'm in North Carolina for my spring break (visiting my boyfriend). But... I will make it work.

#22 with Suzanne (one of my favs!)

Today was a good class. I made sure to drink enough water before class this time, because last time I was a little dehydrated. I need to be concentrating on the poses and not the next sip of water I'll be getting. I did so much better than yesterday. My mind was so focused on my body and breathing. I hardly thought about things outside of the class. It was probably just as hot as yesterday but my mental focus made all the difference.

I think I am ready to kick out in standing head to knee finally. I'll give it one more class or two, but before this 30 day challenge is up, I'm going to kick out! My standing bow pulling pose is getting really deep when standing on my left leg. I defintely want to be able to master this one. And my hamstings are starting to loosen up again after being sore for the last 5 days or so. I like going to the afternoon classes because my body is not as tense as it is in the morning. But I like waking up to good ol' Bikram yoga class as well. I guess it's good that I mix it up then.

Toe stand is getting better. Almost got one hand up. Oh and I almost forgot! I really struggled with rabbit at first because I was rolling onto the back of my neck with pressure (wrong!!!) but I finally figured it out a little while ago and I even got a compliment from Suzanne on it! Looks like I'm on the right track with that one now. I read in someone's blog somewhere that through rabbit pose they actually increased their height. I always think this when going into the pose. Extenndddd that spine...

Lastly, in hands to feet pose, I read in Bikram's book that the only way to make progress is day in, day out determination. I try to remember this when stretching and it just feels so uncomfortable!! The only way I'll get better is by pushing...pulling through. Making progress feels good. I wish I could measure in some tangible way how far I've come. But I guess just knowing that I am will have to do :)

Class #21 with Catherine

Well, this was the first class I had that I thought I might just pass out. I didn't of course. Today was the hottest it has ever been for me. It was difficult to try and relax in savasana and not daydream of ice cubes, diving into pools, and cold showers. Those fantasies wouldn't help me necessarily, but breathing did.

My triangle poses have been sucking lately. I had a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I was horrified. Not very beautiful, that's for sure. On the bended right knee side, I think I just am not bringing my elbow in low enough to my knee and on the other side it's just a mess. I have a real hard time bringing my thigh bicep parallel to the floor and my chest alignment is crooked somehow. Ugh. Always something new going wrong, or that I am noticing going wrong.

I am balancing better on my fingertips in toe stand. I am almost ready to bring up a hand. I am unsure if I am supposed to be sitting on my heel or not. I hear in the dialogue something about coming off the heel. If that is the case, then I got something to work on here for sure!

I am amazed/annoyed at the difference in the body when switching sides in the asanas. In one side of standing bow pulling pose, I am doing well and then when I switch it's like hitting the brakes. Every pose is like that. And each time, it's a different side that is better than the other. Very interesting.

I was reading in Bikram's book about how yoga is good for the mind. And it never occurred how when I come to class, I am almost the entire time thinking about what's going on in the here and now. It's wonderful. There are flashes during savasana of course about what other things I am thinking about on a daily basis but I always exhale those thoughts away. It's a good practice...meaning I am working on it ;)

So, my 21st class, I thought I was going to pass out but I managed to stick it out, sweat it out, and attempt all of the postures (even though some of them were way below par). I did it. And I'm proud of that.

Day 20 with Walter

I really like Walter for the morning classes, but sometimes I think he's too easy on me. I feel like I need personal attention for some of the poses and he hardly corrects anybody. But that's okay... Catherine can be strict enough to make up for it...

My hamstrings are still crazy sore! When is it going to go away? I overheard Walter talking with someone this morning about how yoga treats him. He says that every couple days something else will be sore and it just rotates throughout his body. I can totally relate to that! At first everything was sore. And then my lower back was sore for what felt like at least a week. And now my back seems to finally be better and now my hamstrings are pissed at me! Garrhhh. I can't wait for them to be better so I can stretch furthur instead of being stuck with a bent knee in my face.

I think I'm almost ready to kick out my leg in standing head to knee. I think next week I'll give it a try.

It's amazing how much yoga is affecting my life now. I am so glad I got into this and I am so excited to see how my body and soul are going to change in this process :)

Easy does it.. 18th and 19th class

So I retract my statement in a previous entry about "going to my max" in the poses. Today it was about just getting through it. I did my first double today, back to back. The first class was pretty mellow and not very hot either (disappointed!) but it worked to my advantage because the next class I was DRENCHED almost immediately. It sounded like it was raining on my mat and I was proud of it!

My hamstrings felt soooo tight these last two days. I must have really stretched them out or something because they are super sore too. This made it difficult in the first 8 am class for me because it wasn't hot enough to really stretch them out, it just hurt! And when it was time to really stretch them out for the 10 am class, I was so damn tired! I did every pose though. This is defintely more motivation not to skip classes. I only have one left but danggg, that is intense!

Still no kicking out in standing head to knee but I can feel the muscles strengthening. My knee is totally lamp post strong is tree pose. And my standing bow pulling pose is getting more and more beautiful every day.

Today is all about replenishing my body and mind. I need to study and drink water. Just r e l a x. I'm glad I didn't split up the classes because now I can just concentrate on my studies. Yay me.

HAPPY YEAR OF THE TIGER!!!! RAWRRRR

Still going strong. Day 15!!!

I went to yoga the past 3 days without posting! Oops! I was disappointed with Tuesday's yoga. It just was not hot enough at all. I was trying to work extra hard to work up a sweat but it was disappointing. I crave that sweat so much. So of course the last 2 days have been the absolute hottest in there! And let me just say, that it was AWESOME. Of course, all I could think at certain points was about someone leaving the room so we could get a little breeze but I really pushed myself these last 2 days.

I am becoming so much more flexible. It's amazing. It has only been 15 days of this yoga and my body is feeling great. I am becoming more in tune with my body's needs and breathing and trying to remain in that relaxed state of mind all day. I sort've feel like a zombie right now because I'm so dog tired, but I am proud of myself for working so hard today. DAy 15 :) I am going to do a double this Sunday. That should be fun. I don't think I'll mind too much because a few hours after I leave the class, I am craving it again. Wanting to push my body further.

While I am becoming more and more used to the whole experience, I am able to mentally push myself further. For example, I know I will be disappointed if I don't push myself to my max in a pose because it only lasts a few moments. The whole point of me coming to this class is push my body's flexibility and improve it and if I'm half-assing a pose, or not pushing until it hurts enough, then I feel as if I've wasted my time. I'm so hard core.

I friggin love Bikram yoga. And I'm still considering this instructor thing. I think it would be a great path for me. Maybe I'll end up making this a 60-day challenge. I am going to see my boyfriend in North Carolina in 2 weeks. I know there is a studio out there I can go to while he is at work, so hopefully I can utilize those conveniences. I don't want a day without Bikram yoga! But he does Bikram yoga too, so I can always go along with him <3 Talk about strengthening a relationship... Doing Bikram yoga next to him (he was in town 2 weekends ago) was nerve racking at first but after a couple classes with him, I loved having him sweat next to me <3

I don't know if anyone thinks this is gross but I love this in tree pose. So everyone brings their leg up and and stands on one leg, and you can hear everyone' s sweat dripping and it sounds like rain falling. I love it. haha.

new dreams vs. old dreams

What a great way to start my week! I went to the 8 am class this morning, and boy it felt great! Since I have my name on the wall for the 30 day challenge, it's always fun to put up another sticker. I can't believe I'm really doing this!


I am getting better at locking my knee too. Making progress. Still no attempt at kicking my leg out on standing head to knee, but I'm sure in the next week or two I will be ready. Then I will have a new list of challenges :) Even if I wasn't doing the 30 day challenge I would be afraid to miss a day. I don't want to undo all of my hard work! Since I have the routine pretty much memorized now, I am working hard at going to my max in the poses. Sometimes I would hold pack and not bend or stretch as much as I could. But now, it's almost as if I don't I won't be moving forward in my practive. Take it to my max, baby!


Yoga is wonderful not just for the physical benefits, but the mental as well. I went to my math class right after Bikram today and normally I fidget, a lot. I must have restless limb syndrome or something, but I practiced sitting calm and relaxed; just like I do in between asanas. Also, sometimes I think I don't breathe enough. Silly as it maybe, it's true. It's such an important part of my day, and if I focus on breathing more deeply I think it's going to make me more relaxed and less stressed.


So, right now I am going to school and majoring in biology. I love it and I have always wanted to do something "sciencey" as my career. But, I must say, I have been thinking a lot about being a yoga instructor, more specifically a Bikram yoga instructor. I know it's expensive but I can't stop thinking about it! How awesome would that be. And the training by Bikram?? I was reading online at the Bikram website and I think it's just super cool. I want to be super cool! I want to be a yoga instructor! But we'll see. I need to be patient with this fantasy because I only started doing Bikram yoga 2 weeks ago. I have done nonBikram yoga sporadically throughout the years, but... trying not to jump ahead. We'll see how passionate I am about it after these 30 days. It's bound to only increase...! :)

it's superbowl sunday...?

I surprised myself this morning and made it to the 8 am session. I figured if I waited until 10 am, it would be that much longer until I could eat breakfast. So I went. It was my first time attempting toe stand today. Usually, I just stand there in tree pose. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I didn't get the full balance, so I just stayed there balancing with my fingertips. Pretty cool. We'll see how it goes next time.

As for my knee locking issue, I felt that I did better today. I don't know if I'm locking it completely or what. Maybe its like being in love...when you're in it, you'll just know. But, I felt some progress in that area today. Cool beans.

I didn't feel as much forward bending as I did yesterday. Its weird how different your body is every day, throughout the day. I have a lot of chores to do today, but I really want to make it to the 630 pm class. Hopefully if I get enough stuff done. If not, that's okay. I suppose once is enough ;)

I have been working on being still in between the asanas and staring at myself in the mirror, just breathing calmly. Its a good. I noticed that when I'm in savasana with my hands palms up, my hands do the "claw" aka a totally unrelaxed hand. Haha. Oops. Working on that too.

Good day today. Very calm. Making it count.

Watch out! Here I come!

Hello interweb! I'm amanda and this is MY blog :) I hope someone reads it and can share my experience with me!


I started Bikram yoga last Tuesday in January. I have gone every day but 2 (which I will be doing doubles to make up) not because I didn't want to go but because I was busy. So, this was my tenth session today, and my eighth in a row. But now, the 30 day challenge is on! And not only that, I am obsessed with going everyday.


Today I had some low points and high points. Usually I don't let what I can't do in the postures get to me, but today, I was bad and I did. My knees hyperextend and it makes it very hard for me to lock my knees. I have been working so hard to do it, but I just don't know. In standing head to knee I haven't even attempted to kick my leg out yet because I'm just trying to get that solid lamp post that isn't coming to me. I won't stop trying but it can be very frustrating to me. But now, it's on.... unlocked knee, yer going down!!!


On the other hand, my high point of class. I have REALLY tight hamstrings. And I can't stand not being able max out on the forward bending postures. RaWRRR. But today, I had a breakthrough and it felt so good to be able to do what I've never been able to do. I am starting to see "results" of all my hard work. I am not stopping now. I need to go further...so much further.


Its funny how I even dream about going to bikram yoga now. I think about it all the time. And I find myself sad when the room isn't hot enough for me. must..nott...stopp...sweatINGGG!!! Feels so good! :>


mmm and I really love those backbending postures. back bend like crazy!


Also, on an even more spiritual level, I am trying to work on being thankful for things. I don't spend enough time in the day conciously being thankful of the things and people in my life. <3>