Time to Face the Change

I am now officially unemployed. Yesterday was my last day at the cafe and now onto bigger and better things, hopefully. It is bittersweet, to say the least.

Now, only a little more than a week until I move to North Carolina. Crazy. My life is about to shift gears dramatically and I am so excited to see what happens.

My yoga practice has slowed down, a little bit. I was going 5-7 days a week, but now it's more like 4-5. I feel that although some say you don't need "healing" time with yoga, that I do. But I will get way more into once I move. I do miss when I used to go everyday. But I feel like by giving myself a break, I can make more progress. Debatable I guess. Once again, that will change real soon.

But GOOD NEWS... I decided to stay an extra week and a half so I could go to Esak's seminar next Sunday. I'm glad I did that. Now I have a week of unemployment to enjoy, and pack, and hang out with my friends.

Everything is about to change. I'm a little afraid, but this is going to be amazing. I love my life <3

torture!

So I had my wisdom teeth out on Wednesday and haven't been to yoga since. I AM GOING CRAZY. I want to go so bad, but I don't want to hinder the healing of my mouth. GAHHH. I can't wait much longer..

No yoga for you!

I like to take one day off a week. I already took Monday off. And today I "overslept." I only have one chance to make it to yoga on Fridays, the 7am class. After that, I have work and can't make it to any others.

Why do I feel so angry at myself for missing yoga?? I want to go, but I'm thinking after yesterday's class I am still recovering...mentally. And these are the moments I think I am too hard on myself. I am disappointed for missing 2 days this week :( I would love to do a double on Sunday to make up for it, but I have final exams to study for. Errr. Lame.

Panic Attacks in the yoga room = not fun

Boy do I hate self-fulfilling prophecies... I had a bad class today. Decently strong standing series, except for slipping and sliding feet in triangle and standing seperate leg stretching. I have had Panic attacks in class before. They are not fun. Looking back on it, it wasn't that bad today (which is why I will go back tomorrow==short term memory) but it was so hot I started to panic. I do not know what to do when I start to think that way. I tried to concentrate on my breath but I couldn't focIus for long. I pretty much ruined my floor series :/

And there I go again being hard on myself. Boy, I sure do learn a lot about myself in the yoga room aka torture chamber. I need an "escape plan" for when I start to panic like that again...by the way I'm panicking because it gets too hot. Despite drinking copius amounts of water before class ( about 50 oz.) and an emergenC packet, and eating properly. And by escape plan, I mean escaping my own thoughts to something more productive. I guess...practice might be the only way...

Forget about it!

Today = best class I've ever had.

It was just one of those days where I rocked nearly every posture. So strong, confident, and ... rare! Near the end of class, I started to panic because it was so hot, and I was handling it so well. Such a weird thing, I was panicking about panicking...about how how hot it could be tomorrow or the next day. It was hot as hell in there but I was focused. I guess that is some insight to my flaws. Stressing about things that haven't even happened yet, even if I know they may occur. What's the point of worrying about it today??

Just worry about today. Live in the moment, and be happy with what was given to you today. Today, I had an out of this world class...absolutely stellar. So what if tomorrow isn't as good, or if I can't handle the heat like I did today. What matters is the right here, right now.

Almost straightened my legs in hands to feet of half moon. Locked both legs in standing head to knee, and took my first steps towards full camel today :D

Now I should do some studying... Argh!! School is almost over. aye aye aye

Yeehaw.

SO

When it comes to self-confidence, I find I am not steady in this area. I am extremely inconsistant and it changes daily, maybe even many times throughout the day. I know that its "hormones" but its me. I need to be steady, calm, consistant and patient with myself. Love myself. I love myself for going to yoga 6+ days a week. This is my third month of Bikram yoga and I have come a long way. For a girl, who couldn't touch her toes 3 months ago, I think I am doing awesome!!

And for my avid readers, I finally started kicking out in standing head to knee pose this past week. And I am having so much fun with it! It's a whole new world of challenges and mind battles, but yeehaw! I'm all about it. Also, in toe stand I now know what it means to bring the hip off the ankle. One day I was just like "ooohhhhh now I get it!" And oddly enough, I can even lift my gaze to the mirror now; thinking those 2 go hand in hand ;)

Classes this week were..good. I'm starting to think its just the morning classes I don't like. I'm sooo tight in the morning...

WELL another Monday tomorrow. Only 1 week, 2 days til the end of the semester. Only 1 week 3 days til I get to visit my lovely Edgar. Only 1 month 2 weeks until I move to NC. Life is about to move very quickly.

Just going with the Flow.

$10000 for teacher training...lately that's all I can think of. I want to teach, I want to do yoga everyday, I want to help others feel what I feel from practice. But ten grand... I was speaking with Suzanne (my favorite Bikram instructor) and she was telling me how it worked out for her. Her circumstances were even more binding because she has a son. But, it just worked out for her..

And just like I've been learning everyday in the yoga room (I still go a steady 6 days a week), you just have to let things happen. I'm going to try my hardest, but just let it happen. I'm going to keep practicing and striving for progress, whether it be mental, emotional, or physical. Maybe, I can even apply for one of the 2 scholarships they give away. If life wants me to be a yoga teacher, I will be one. I'm not going to stop what I'm doing but when it comes to thinking that being able to afford that training is near impossible, I'm going to leave that part up to fate.

June is fast approaching and that means I am moving from Michigan to North Carolina here very soon. I am nervous about how it will work out. Mostly regarding money. I will be leaving my job of 5 years and back out into the field to find another, hopefully much better paying job. But we will see.

So, I believe in a previous entry I mentioned how much I hate hands to feet pose in half moon. It has been my nemesis. However, I think I'm close to locking my knees. I can feel it. Day in, day out determination... What a glorious day that will be. This picture I'm attaching is of me today. Hopefully in the next month or two, I will have locked knees!!!